Sunday, February 26, 2012

A Little Insight On My Life

This is pretty much my philosophy in life (: I'm not sure why but it reminds me that every ending has a new beginning. And every cloud has a silver lining <3 
One of the best quotes I've ever known was quoted by Taylor Swift. 
She said that "Life isn't about surviving the storm. It's about dancing in the rain."
I love it because it reminds me even in my darkest hour, there's always something I can smile about :)

Well, more about my life :
If I told you I've always been good and never had a time in my life where I doubted God; 
Would you believe me?
Cause if you do, I'm sorry because that isn't true. At all.
I don't remember exactly why I did what I did.
I don't really know why I did it either.
It was the point in my life where I got lost.
I felt like no one was there for me.
I even doubted God. I thought I wasn't important enough for him to even know my name.
I was only 11 when I got involved with the wrong 'friends'.
I didn't do things like smoke, drink alcohol or take drugs.
But I started cursing, swearing and beating up boys. 
Yeah. I really mean BOYS. 
Because they were bullies.
But making myself one is even worse.
I was overconfident. Arrogant. I thought that it wasn't wrong to do what I was doing.
But there was a part of me that told me that it wasn't right.
I knew what I was doing was wrong.
But I didn't want to stop.
It was the only outlet I had from all the things I didn't want to do, but I had to.
Piano lessons, although I loved my piano; 
I detested having lessons because I always felt stupid and unsure of what I was learning.
Studies, I've always felt like there was a competition in my class. 
Whenever someone didn't do as well as he/she should,
There would always be an idiot who taunted and jeered at him/her.
Telling that person exactly how stupid he/she is.
It made me angry almost all the time.
Even if it wasn't happening to me.
Something else I hated was my tuition classes.
My teacher at that time was a nice lady.
But she was awfully strict.
The second I made a mistake, she would give me even more work to improve. 
With doing all my school and tuition work and practicing my piano,
I barely had time to rest.
I was short tempered. I hardly spoke and barely talked to my family.
If anything, I hated my life with a passion.
It was the darkest year of my life.
One day, I finally broke down. I just couldn't handle that burden alone.
I remember crying and asking God why my life turned out like that.
Why I started becoming the very type of person I never wanted to be.
At that moment, I realized that I did have people to talk to,
but I was pushing everyone close to me away.
So I finally told my parents what I was going through.
I've always been independent. I never told my parents about my problems.
But I'm really glad that I did.
I asked God to forgive me for making the wrong choices in my life. 
I changed my tuition, stopped hanging out with friends who influenced me to do the wrong things,
started praying and reading the Bible more, got new friends who were more studies-prone. 
After that year, I started becoming more like the person I was comfortable with.
I played the piano, sang silly songs, acted childish, laughed more.
Talked to my family and started coming out of the walls that I built around me.
I felt better about myself when I enjoyed life to its fullest.
I've never told anyone about this.
But one day I will, 
Because my experience might influence someone to make the right decisions 
when they reach the bend in the road :)
Even though what I did was stupid,
I wouldn't change what happened if you could learn from it.
(: 
This year, I'm 15. I've made new friends and learned from new experiences. I'm still a little shy and socially awkward. And I do face certain problems in my life, but I learned how to deal with them. Unfortunately, I still do occasionally smack a boy every now and then.
It's not my fault they're perverts! :/
So well, that's the little things I never shared with anyone but impacted my life in an amazing way. 
God IS real. And He's always going to be there for you when you need someone to lean on.
<3
Now and forever.
That would be all. 
Haha!
Maine <3
 

10 comments:

  1. haha! nice posts.. just remember you were are never alone. There are about 7 billion plus people on the earth now says the newspaper. I've doubted God alot.. Once I even scolded (yes.. ikr!) god because something didn't happen the way i wanted it to be. When i was 13, i didn't touch any guys.. when i was 14, i mixed with ying and sa if u remember them. I just realised this year (it just came to my mind) that ying was the worse influence i ever had. The reason why f word keeps going about in my head and I showed middle fingers to malay guys before for calling me a little word 'lesbian!' Look on to the future.. don't care about the past. God gave u a new day everyday not for u to regret things :)

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    Replies
    1. Yeah that's true :) But sometimes, I do feel like I'm FOREVER ALONE :/ Ohhhh. I scold God too sometimes when I'm in a bad mood :/ But I always say sorry.
      Yeah I remember them! D: I can't believe it. I thought they were the smart, quite good kind of friends. It's okay, I showed a middle finger once when I got extremely annoyed at a guy who poured glue in my hair >:(

      I'm trying to stay positive nowadays, but when guys start annoying me; sometimes the old habits come to mind ._.

      I'm thankful I have God, my family and you guys in my life now (:
      It makes it easier for me to keep calm :)

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    2. haha.. everyone feels that way.. i feel that way too when a guy i like ignores me.. I always tell God that i don't always mean what i say.. sighs..
      Sa is fine.. she never actually mentions the bad words except shit damn and stupid... if u count that as bad words.
      He poured glue on ur hair.. u have the right to get mad.. I got mad over a little word "lesbian" :s

      yea i'm happy too! :)
      I always tell myself that things happen for a reason..
      and just now when i walked home.. i felt like i was walking with god.. just say a little prayer and u will never insecure.. u can walk around at nights knowing nothing will ever harm u... the one who meant harm will see two bodyguards next to you and the one who meant good will probably see angels :)

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    3. Haha! Yeah :/ It feels awful. But even worse when guys I DON'T LIKE annoys me. :P Yeah, I think she's quite alright (:
      Yeah.. When he did, I almost threw a tantrum >:(
      Lesbian is actually kind of insulting. I would be mad too.

      Yeah :) True. I always pray that I wouldn't feel bad about myself or insecure. But sometimes the feelings of doubt creep inside my heart :/
      I will :)
      Aww.. Such a sweet way of saying it . :)

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    4. yeaaa.. bullies! She gets alil annoying sometimes but still bear-a-ble
      i feel so kiddie loosing my temper like..

      i've heard stories about girl walking alone and people actually saw two body guards guarding her :o

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    5. Yeah true! Annoying bullies :/
      Ohhh. HAHA. Some of my friends are annoying too. Poking me in class when the teacher is teaching :P (Ain't you.. Well maybe sometimes. HAHA)
      Exactly. That's why I no like loosing temper. HAHA
      Really? D: AWESOME.

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    6. aint me wat? :o
      yeaaa! ikr!!

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    7. Ain't ya who keeps poking me. Oh wait :O YOU DO. HAHAHA.
      Exactly! :D

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    8. oooo... hehehehe.. okay okayy.. i will stop poking( i think)

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    9. You mussttt! :P :) HAHA. At least don't make me scream or squeal ._.

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