Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Personality, Self-Esteem and Nonsense

Yellow people!
No that was not racism. I meant Hello. 
And yeah, this is going to be one boring, long not-too-detailed piece of advice for all of the above. Except the nonsense part. HAHAHA.

Went to church this morning for the GCC Praise and Worship briefing today. My cousin was there and man, it was freaking awkward to see her. 
Made plans with Meg Sakai to teach her the guitar. I'm not that good at it either but I can try. 
Hoping Matthew would teach me and Pris how to play the bass. 

And uhh. Yeah I forgot what I wanted to say -.- 
Never mind. Next time. HAHAHA.

Anyway, I was sitting behind Joy Jensen. His bro Jonathan Soorian was sitting next to him. And some time later Jonathan Wong came and sit next to him. When someone kept yelling "Jonathan! Jonathan!" I asked him "Dei! You want Jonathan with an S or no S?" Sounded so wrong man. The shame. HAHAHA. 

Went to watch MIB III with Meg, Jeans, Pris, Cheryl, Joanna, coughcough, King Daniel, Dillion, Matthew, Stephanie, Andrew, Sarah and GT guy (whose real name is Simon) 

It was hilarious and I loved it. The cinema was pretty empty and freaking cold. Jeans, Meg and I hugged halfway through the movie for body heat. HAHAHA.

When we came out of the movie, we were kinda drunk and enjoying warmth outside. 

Went up to the roof with Daniel, Dillion, Matthew,Jeans, Meg, Pris and Cheryl to chill out. HAHA.
It was nice :) 

Tried to take photo of the scenery but there was a photo-bomber. Ehem ehem.

Had fun :) 

Went to eat at this restaurant. Once we finished eating, Dillion started this game, something like "Who Would You Prefer To Be Your Boyfriend? So and so?"

Daniel Raj and Andrew Robert? 
My answer: Kill myself. 

And this went on for quite some time . 

The stumper:
Darren Ong or Thomas Ann?
Me: DARREN.. is my brotha from another motha. 
Daniel? I think: So you pick Thomas?
me: Eww. No man. I hardly know him.
Him: Then what? 
Me: Kamikaze. HAHAHA.

Another one:
Daniel: Okay girls, so between uhh Bryan Ong, Matthew Tan, blah blah blah (He kept on droning about 3 more names. ) *still thinking of more*
Dillion: Jonathan Soorian
(The second he said that, everyone was like JONATHAN SOORIAN of course man. HAHA.)
My reason was because he's a nice guy and an awesome drummer.
Not to say the others aren't great too but I don't really know them :( *facepalm* 
So I can't really say their names. HAHAHA.

Final round: Brandon Ann, Elijah Arvind, Jonathan Soorian.
Everyone picked it in the opposite order. 
Jon with an S first, Elijah and then only Brandon.
Don't ask why. HAHAHA.

One more thing, everyone suddenly started calling me " Char-*pause* ARGGHH. Maine Maine Maine Teo! " 

I wasn't aware my name had an ARGGHH in it. HAHAHA. 

Darren a-parrot-ly told everyone that I said if anyone called me Charmaine, I would kill them. 
I didn't realize I invoke fear in so many people. HAHAHA.

David Poh kept doing it when he mentioned my name. Especially the ARGGHH part. 
I found it hilarious. I kinda enjoy seeing people suffer. JUST KIDDING.
Not that crazy, dude. 

Okay, now for Personality. 

I despise it when people say I fake laugh, point out my mistakes and judge me for it, say that some things I say are crap but somehow people like it anyway, say that people look to me as a leader because I think of myself and my friends as equals, and point out things that make me really frustrated and feel like flipping tables. What kind of person would do/say that? Honestly. My laugh might change on a regular basis because I like it that way and etc but that's just who I am. So can you accept it?

I feel so annoyed and tired of arguing about this every single time you get upset at me. You call me names and say things based on your own biased opinion which isn't very fair. I'm really glad you decided it would be best to give me space because I really have the urge to scream about the injustice in your face. 

To be entirely honest, you're the first friend I've ever had that constantly picks a fight with me. If you want to tell me the truth, tell it to my face like a man. I hate arguing like a couple of pesky brats. Makes me feel so bitchy and screechy. How do you even decide that you know things about me, that I don't even know about myself? 

I do my best to look in the mirror and see my faults and try to fix them. Philosophically I mean. Can you look at your own attitude, faults and imperfections before judging mine? As a friend, you're supposed to accept the person, despite the flaws and stuff they have. Not judge them whenever you can. I did my best to forgive the uh.. not so nice words you said to me, temper tantrums and stuff, but right now, I really want a break from all the drama and stuff. Tell me when you've finally decided not to be so judgmental of me anymore. 

A question, do you constantly judge and criticize me because of who I am? You never seem to do the same to anyone else. Or maybe you just like hurting people you don't really give a damn about.

Either way, I'm done. I'm tired, sick and frustrated. I don't want to fight anymore. For once, please try to accept me for who I am. I can't be friends with someone who doesn't want me to be myself. 

Last topic: Self-Esteem.

I noticed most people, despite how pretty, handsome, funny or gorgeous they are, think of themselves in a negative way.

I think the same way sometimes.E.g. I'm not as pretty/funny/friendly/hyper as so and so. I can't do this. I can't do that. I'm so stupid. My life isn't worth living. I have no talents or skills. I'm ugly. No one will like me. I'm not feminine enough. I wish I could be someone else instead. 

Yeah, basically those thoughts were a real pain in my ass. 

We just have to accept ourselves for who we are. Instead of constantly criticizing, looking down on ourselves. Yeah, it's hard. But really. The best thing to do is distract yourself. Do something that would make you feel good about yourself. Eat ice cream, pull pranks on your friends, listen to music that other people might hate but you love, 9gag (HAHAHA. Wak lolok), sing; even if you sound like a bullfrog, Dance; even if you look like a weird bird with broken wings, laugh, scream, cry, hug someone. It works :) for me.

I used to despise my face. Starting with the panau thing. My self esteem went really low. Then was the whole "I have no talents or skills" thinking. Really depressing year for me. A real tomboy, I was. I loved sun, mud and soccer. I was very shy and quiet. People thought I was stuck up. Mehh. I can't talk to guys I like. Yeah, still happening. HAHAHA. I never studied for anything. Still the same thing going on, bro. 

So maybe now, I'm not as shy as I used to be. A bit more feminine? I do my best to wear dresses and stuff. Still have panau, no-study attitude, and STILL can't talk to the guy I like. What is this. Facepalm. 
But the difference is I DON'T CARE. Anymore. Really I don't. 
People can say whatever they want to say, but you know yourself best. 

Some people get lost in thinking that they do but they don't.

Once I stopped caring and worrying about what people thought of me, I smiled more. Don't care if I look like I have constipation. HAHA. I laughed more. Don't care if the flies can fly in cause my mouth is so wide. I do crazy stuff without thinking. Don't care if you think I'm high, drunk or smoking.. oxygen.

I just DON'T CARE.

Not saying you have to be arrogant. Just appreciate yourself for who you are :) 

Nahh zzez. 

I think I'll sleep now.



Ahh. Don't care.

P.S. GT guy should consider making Jeans, Cheryl, Meg and I his personal GPS. Turn left or right, it's your choice, you're the driver. HAHAHA.


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