Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Different Sides Of Me.

“Sometimes, it takes us a while to appreciate something new, something that might change us for the better.” 
 Rick RiordanThe Throne of Fire

Hey there! :) Again.

You know how some people have multiple personality disorders? Well I have three. 

The topic I'm broaching on today is " The Different Sides Of Me."

I know what you're thinking, "Psshh. Sure, like you're some kind of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde." I believe it's slightly less complicated than that. I don't know when I'm going to slip into different alter egos, don't know why either. I don't realize I've switched personalities till AFTER I switch from one to another. That would explain the forgetfulness and "in a dream" phases.

I have three different personalities:

  • Mean Me: Obviously the evil side of me. And yes, she exists, and we don't get along very well due to the fact she's everything I'm trying not to be, but I am.
  • Banana Maine: The one that only knows happiness and loves to get drunk (on chinese tea.) 
  • Dreamer Maine: The one that thinks deep philosophical thoughts and wonders about the true meaning of life. 

You know how I'm always going on about being bipolar? I wasn't kidding.

The thing is I've been thinking lately about all those people I've put down, due to my own low self-esteem and insecurity. And yes, Joy, you're one of them. I'm sorry for being such a bitch to you, and I was too proud to admit that it wasn't you that was my problem, but it was myself for not being able to cope with my problems and taking it out on you instead. I despised myself for that, and I'm trying to murder "Mean Me" because she's nothing but a negative influence in my life. All the bitchiness and mean-spirited me came from me not knowing how to handle my problems, and taking it out on one of the persons I treasure the most. With that being say, I love you (in a heterosexual way) and I promise to try and not be an arrogant/spiteful/self-centered/judgmental/critical/obnoxious/rude person. I do appreciate you (and all my dorky friends too) even if I don't show it very well. I'm not good at displaying my feelings.

So yes, this will be a topic of discussion because I understand it so well.

  • "Mean Me" has been the root of all my evil. She has a complete disregard for other people's feelings, she's obnoxious, self-assured, vile, evil and cruel. But most of all, she's deeply dissatisfied with her life. She doesn't understand forgiveness, love and all those things that makes one human. And worse of all, she's me. Or at least a part of me. In other words, she's a bitch.

  • Now, as for "Banana Maine", she's nothing like "Mean Me". She understands happiness, beauty in life, compassion, love, and is well, human. She knows who she is, and is willing to get high on oxygen and share a laugh with her friends. She isn't afraid to be who she is and never fails to be idiotically happy. She cares about people, and is rarely, if ever, judgmental. She loves God, her family and friends. 

  • "Dreamer Maine" is quiet and reserved. She quietly observes people, and tries to read their body language. She thinks deep and philosophical thoughts at the most inconvenient times, like during an exam or when trying to bike up a hill. Times which requires great focus, but yet she gets distracted. She daydreams in class, and wonders about the meaning of life when she's eating a piece of cake. She likes poetry because rhyming words are fun. She doesn't hear people talking to her, because she's too immersed in her own thoughts. 
Every one of us has a "evil" side. It could be jealous thoughts, gossiping behind people's backs, backstabbing, stealing someone's most treasured possession, and every other poisonous bad habit that gives life to the darkness within. Come join the dark side, cause we have some fresh cookies. <- Don't join. The cookies might be fresh but filled with evil.

At any given rate, do you like having a "mean side" ? I don't know about you, but I hate it when I get stinking low depressing thoughts. It ruins my day. Try to eliminate this evil evil you, and voila! You're now rid of what will plague you, haunt you and torture you, as long as you don't return to it. Evil preys on your weaknesses, it feeds on your fear and it destroys your character, so stay away from it. 

I found out that I can be happy (and stay that way) if I laughed more, smiled more, think silly thoughts like "rainbows" and "butterflies", happy thoughts. And do a whole other bunch of fun things like getting drunk on Chinese tea, and getting high on oxygen, doesn't hurt either. 

Get rid of your negative traits. Stay positive. What else?

Yeah, don't get lost in your own world and forget reality, the way I do. It's fun to imagine things and immerse yourself in a wonderful world where there's no pain and grief, but life doesn't work that way, unfortunately. I can't remember the number of times people talk to me, and I don't hear a single word, because I'm dreaming about volcanoes of chocolate, and yummy yummy food. 

It's great if you use your imagination and think deep thoughts, but it's also important to keep your feet on the ground and remember reality. 

Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. 
-Jim Rohn 

Never forget that.

And that's it for now :)

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