Sunday, August 11, 2013

To Be Forgotten.

Hey there! :)

So I'm back from Selangor 1#'s Advancement Camp (I actually came home last night around 3 am) and it was.. pretty great, so to speak :) Considering the fact that I'm a "Home is where my heart is" person, it was a miracle that I wasn't thinking about my bed and (much appreciated) clean toilet at home (much, I still thought about it. Haha). Woke up at 1 pm this afternoon, which was no surprise. Here's a funny thing, I don't enjoy everything about being a commander (mainly the teaching and leading part, because I absolutely DETEST bossing people around - telling people what to do makes me feel like I'm flaunting my position and teaching is enough to make my heart palpitate) but it certainly has its perks.

As usual, we set off later for camp than we were supposed to (Selangor Satu's trademark :P). I went with Joanna in Nathaniel's car, he turned on the air-cond pretty high and we were freezing to death at the back. Spent most of the journey listening to songs on my phone and getting lost. Repeatedly. HAHA. Every time we took a wrong turn and ended up in a weird place, I couldn't help wishing that we could just quit looking for the campsite and eat garlic bread at Pizza Hut. FOOD YUM YUM :3 Passed by a prison too, it looked really interesting. I wonder if they had dangerous people there, so close to town O_o.

Finally reached the campsite and unloaded our bags out of the car to take to the canteen area. (And since I'm extremely forgetful, I'll just let you know the main highlights of the camp)  The dorm was nice, albeit a little crowded. Double-decker beds :O I wanted to sleep on top but I was worried I'd fall off because I move a lot in my sleep :l So I took the bottom bed (Can la). After lunch and setting up tents (Commanders were forbidden to overly assist in the particular matter), Adventure Rangers had an orienteering class. I love using a compass, since it's one of the few camping things I don't completely fail at. *Wipes tear from eye in pride* The guy commanders went off to set up the orienteering trail (? path? I forgot what it was called) and when they came back, the kids (I'm not sure if I should be calling them that since I'm only two years older than the older kids - namely my brother. HAHA) had to hike about the points. Had to pump petrol into the van so all the commanders (AR only la) went off to the petrol station. The guys bought 100 plus, so Jojo and I decided to buy ice cream (MAGNUM drools). We talked about something pretty awkward which I don't think I should share because I still feel like face-palming myself (or worst - laughing to death) when I think about it. Stopped by the hot springs but I stayed in the van to finish my ice cream.

I'm suffering from severe memory loss, so I can't recall what happened until the night hike. HAHA, Wow, the night hike was crazy and pretty different. We weren't allowed to use our torch lights (Say what?) but people kept turning theirs on when they got scared and started blinding the commanders walking at the back of the group -__- A lot of rocky/muddy/puddly ground which had me constantly worrying about tripping and falling to my death (That's active imagination for you). Had to cross the stream at one point, and my shoes got soaked pretty bad. Exactly what happened in NTC (only then, I found a leech in my shoe. Shudders).

(Getting lazy now, so this is gonna be in dot form)
Friday, 10 August 2013.

  • Parade
  • Breakfast (Might be the other way around)
  • Primitive shelter building (Supervising and taking photos)
  • Slept through lunch 
  • Primitive shelter building again (completed)
  • Went to hot springs again with A.R. 
  • Took AR to dip in the stream (but I didn't actually go in)
  • Ate KFC chicken :3 Courtesy of Cmdr KY.
  • Daniel sees me holding a bag of M&Ms and suddenly went "Hey, we're friends right? Give me some." That fella and food ah. I saw him stealing a kid's packet of junk food. Something about " No junk food in camp". All rubbish fosho#, HAHA. 
  • AR went rafting (I took care of their phones and wallets. Lol)
  • Took a shower.
  • Went for dinner but didn't eat anything. Food wasn't delectable enough.
  • Council fire was the best part of camp :) The acting was good, translators (what do you need translators for? Malay to English mah) were good and really hilarious. And everyone (I hope) had a jolly good time. 
  • Talked with Sam and Fabian about some pretty funny personal stuff and about old friends. He told me about Esther, Indie and Nigel's friendship. *Quote quote* Fabian kept shaking his head and asked Nigel "What la you! blah blah blah." 
  • Key phrase: You don't love me anymore! (You can figure out what that means)
  • Had a conversation with Ian, Joshua, Kishan, Shermen and Sam. Talking about girls/guys and relationships. Laughed so hard, you wouldn't have thought that guys could be that shy about girls. *Shakes head*. Quote: "Ever since I stopped kicking you, you started getting taller than me." I was taller than Samuel all through kindergarten and primary school and now I'm like 4 inches shorter than him -__- . This is so unfair. He still looks shorter than me from a distance though *evil laugh*. Shermen is only 14 and he's taller than both of us. Runs in his family, all skyscraper tall people O_o. 
  • Finally went home after waiting for my dad to finish discussing camp business with Cmdr KY, David, Manoj and Joseph. 
  • Arrived home at 3 am (didn't sleep at all during the journey because I was dumb enough to drink coffee)
  • Hug the cats, ate chocolate, took a bath and went to sleep at 4.30 am. Yay :D
Going to Ikea tomorrow, YAY :D I missed the Bookfest at KLCC Convention Centre :( Another wonderful opportunity gone, just like that. Oh well. Big Bad Wolf sale, I'm counting on you to appear soon someday :)

It appears that I might have a form of eczema (it does run in my family after all, sigh). Remember the panau I keep complaining about and finally stopped noticing because I've gotten so used to it? Yeah that. HAHA. Oh God, what does this keep happening to me? I'm working on a cure now, since the ones prescribed to me never work or make me worse somehow. I've studied enough medical terms to be certain enough that I'll be a horrible doctor and I've discern the best option is to work a cure out for myself instead of relying on doctors :P

I've been thinking about going "off the grid", so to speak, in terms of social networks. I've already crossed off Facebook and Twitter. I'm considering quitting blogging completely. The only websites I plan to stay on are Wattpad, Goodreads, Youtube and Yahoo Mail, since those are the ones I use most frequently and appreciate the most. People tell me I'm missing out on a lot but to be truthful, I don't think I'm missing out on anything important. I don't care much for my social life, in all honesty, I live to read, make craft and listen to music. My interest in people's life has quite evaporated like smoke and entered a box in my virtual attic titled "To Be Forgotten".

The older I get, the more I've figured out I'm an introvert. I don't like socializing. I don't like awkward conversations with people I barely know and give a damn about. Call me anti-social, because I am. It's far better to be anti-social than to pretend I actually care. I'm an introvert who loves reading. Loves meeting people who love the same books and music I do. Loves music with a passion that almost measures up to my love for writing. Loves making things out of clay and paint. I've quite given up on keeping track of people I used to know. What's the point if you don't see them (or even know them) anymore? The past is past, as sad as that is.

If you tell me one more time that I'm a people hater because I'm not fond of mingling with people, I'll smack you in the face for being shallow and ridiculous. There is more to life than living it up, partying and socializing. I admit to being a bookworm and maybe a bit of a nerd for keeping to myself and reading so much, but I do not hate people. I just hate the shallow, condescending ones who think life is about things that I don't give a flying pork for, and if I don't do it, I'm stupid/anti-social and I don't understand what life is about. Just let it be clear to you, I know more about what's life about than you do since I don't see the world through rose-colored glasses.

I ran a poll a while back on Goodreads.

This (sort of) proves that most readers/writers are dreamers. We live in a fictional world created out of our own imagination and that's where we feel like we belong, where we don't have to pretend to be people we're not. As for me, I'm not fond of reality because I've never felt comfortable in my own skin. Sometimes when I talk to people, my mind drifts off into a different place and there I stand, feet on the ground, head in the clouds. Hopelessly lost because I prefer fantasy to reality.

“Introverts treasure the close relationships they have stretched so much to make.” 

“Matthew, much to his own surprise, was enjoying himself. Like most quiet folks he liked talkative people when they were willing to do the talking themselves and did not expect him to keep up his end of it.” 
― L.M. MontgomeryAnne of Green Gables

“In an extroverted society, the difference between an introvert and an extrovert is that an introvert is often unconsciously deemed guilty until proven innocent.” 
― Criss JamiVenus in Arms
“Closed in a room, my imagination becomes the universe, and the rest of the world is missing out.” 
― Criss Jami
“The writer's curse is that even in solitude, no matter its duration, he never grows lonely or bored.” 
― Criss Jami
“And then there were the wallflowers who had recognized for years that the thing was hopeless, who had found in that information a kind of calm. They no longer tried, with a bright and desperate effort, to sustain a conversation with somebody's brother, somebody's usher, somebody's roommate, somebody's roommate's usher's brother... The category of wallflower who had given up on all this was very quiet, not indifferent, only quiet. And she always brought a book.” 
― Renata AdlerSpeedboat
“Solitude matters, and for some people, it's the air they breathe” 
― Susan Cain
"Or maybe there's another word for such people: thinkers.” 
― Susan Cain
" It's not difficult to understand, I just like being alone."
“Don't think of introversion as something that needs to be cured...Spend your free the way you like, not the way you think you're supposed to.” 
― Susan CainQuiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
“The last introvert in a world of extroverts. Silence: my response to both emptiness and saturation. But silence frightens people. I had to learn how to talk. Out of politeness.” 
― Ariel GoreAtlas of the Human Heart
“There are such a lot of things that have no place in summer and autumn and spring. Everything that’s a little shy and a little rum. Some kinds of night animals and people that don’t fit in with others and that nobody really believes in. They keep out of the way all the year. And then when everything’s quiet and white and the nights are long and most people are asleep—then they appear.” 
― Tove JanssonMoominland Midwinter
“We can't underestimate the value of silence. We need to create ourselves, need to spend time alone. If you don't, you risk not knowing yourself and not realizing your dreams.” 
― Jewel
"It's easy to feel alone in a roomful of people."

And I want to dip dye my hair blue, Or some other crazy color. Wishlist, take note.

I actually like shopping alone. I'm not saying I don't like shopping with people, but I do like shopping even when I'm alone. There's a sense of comfort in the act of it.

I'll be working on a new story to write soon, which means I'll be quitting or spending less time blogging. I keep telling myself to sit down and write it, but I get distracted so easily, it's maddening! Some people find this weird, but I like reading tips on how to improve my writing. It's really fascinating in an odd way, although some may think it's boring. I write better when I'm drunk (not literally of course) and a little insane, because I don't care if what I'm writing is embarrassing or not. I want to write a tragedy. A story that make me cry and wonder what compelled me to break people's hearts, because that's what tragedies are for.

Changing my blog banner and background soon. It's been too long.

Chocolate break, till next time :)

Edited 12/8/2013 : Does anyone else miss the old Malay songs we used to sing in primary school? Rasa Sayang and Lenggang Kangkung for instance :) I do wish we'd sing them more often. And I rarely see kids playing congkak and Batu Seremban these days like we used to. I never went anywhere without a few colored stones in my pocket back then. Sigh. How things have changed :(

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