“I think it's good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone.”- Amy Sedaris
“I was lonely. I felt it deeply and permanently, that this state of being on my own might never disappear. But I welcomed the lonliness, which had everything to do with being anonymous. It's never lonliness that nibbles away at a person's insides, but not having room inside themselves to be comfortably alone.” - Rachel Sontag
Most people can't handle being alone. They have a constant urge to be around people, to be looked up to and appreciated, and to have someone be there for them. It comforts them, to know they're not alone in the world. I'm one of the few, who relishes in solitary and reclusive life.
Frankly, if I had to be honest with myself, I'd say that I don't care much for the company of others. Sure, I like having people to talk to and be with, but sometimes it feels as though everything I say and do is merely a disguise, a mask to hide who I really am. It's not easy for me to meet new people, to reacquaint with people I used to know. I often wondered if I have schizoid personality disorder. I think it would really explain my aversion to people and human contact.
Which brings me to my next point.
Never, ever touch, tickle and especially, POKE me without my authorization (which I will NEVER ever give).
Or you'd have to face severe consequences.
For example, me punching you in the face or ignoring you for eternity.
I despise it, thoroughly, when people think that just because I'm sensitive, and can't stand poking, prodding, pinching and tickling...It's somehow FUNNY to them to do all those things.
Let me tell you,IT IS NOT FUNNY AT ALL.
And it bloody well pisses me off.
Also, it hurts like hell to have fingers digging into my sides.
What do you think I am? Do you think I actually ENJOY being touched that way?
You thought wrong.
I'm not lying when I say I get real angry and pissed off. You can ask all the guys who got bruises and torn clothes from just poking me (which I HATE, HATE, HATE. I needed to emphasis that). I think I threw a shoe out of a window from the highest floor of Block C once too.
So you better watch out, you better think twice, cause if you poke her, Maine will NOT be nice.
(Angry banana is coming to town ♪)
(And yes, I still have a sense of humor)
You're welcomed to poke me, if you have a death wish or long to be terribly disfigured. I'd kindly grant you either wish, if you do so :)
You might think I've overreacting. But I am SICK and TIRED of people TOUCHING me like I have a sign on me that says "Touch wherever you want." Well, let me tell you, there's a NEW sign that says "Touch me, for a one way trip to Tartarus and to be sliced up like Kronos (and trust me, there will be no chance of you coming back to life)."
Phew. Rant over.
(How did I get sidetracked like that, in the first place? *shrugs*)
Anyhows, I'm a generally happy person. Mostly. Optimistic, but also a realist. And I'm at my happiest when I'm alone, with my books, craft, music and everything I've ever loved, not having to live up to people's expectations of me.
I'm starting to feel detached from other people, even those I consider my closest friends. The way I see it, they have their life (plural) and I have mine. Socializing is becoming rather unappealing to me. People? Bah. No thanks.
And I like no one too.
Or maybe it's just me, being my normal anti-social, friendless self.
It's hard to tell who I really am these days.
I'll always care about others, and think of them every now and then.
But all I want to be is alone, and not having to pretend.
I also doubt anyone would miss me when I'm gone.
On a brighter note, I've really been getting into watching awesome shows (Grimm :3 especially), diy projects (I tried galaxy painting the back of my bag with nail polish..Turned out okay, but the smell! UGH. DIY salt spray is next on my list.), crafting (which I've been putting off for weeks), reading product reviews online (which strangely, I find entertaining) as well as window shopping online (sort of).
I bought a 16 gb micro sd card for my phone, in hopes of speeding it up :) I'm still waiting for the phone case, which I have yet to paint. I'll be setting up a new blog for selling preloved/secondhand stuff that's already up on Carousell. Did I mention I'm learning Spanish and French? :) Yays. Spanish is pretty easy, it's mostly the spelling that confuses me. Check out Duolingo, it's an awesome app for learning those languages, and more.(I'm not being paid for this, lol).
I signed up for the five hour safety course (KPP) for driving today. I won't be taking it until 19 December though, since Jun Ann and I are taking it together and we always seem to be busy on the other days. HAHA. The lady we registered with, looked surprised when she found out our birthdays were only one day apart. (And our email addresses both have the day of birth, 20 and 21, in it). Theory test and the others can only be done, after our birthdays though. It's a good thing (or bad) we're born in January. If you're confused about steps for getting your license, you can always refer to pages like here, here and here.
Advanced National Training Camp might be on next year, along with Pow Wow. You can expect me to hide under a rock when ANTC comes. I have had enough of training camps! If my dad sends me to one more, I might as well go for NS -___- Also need to add, I'm a lieutenant commander now. Which sounds fancy and delightful, but comes with a bucket load of work :( Hopefully, I can be in charge of photostatting papers and hiding behind curtains. I want colored contacts. Green, in particular. (Santa, take note) but not those ridiculous (well to me) ones that makes your eyes all dolly-like. (Yucks, not my thing. If you want to know where to buy them, where the contacts are safe and genuine, try Glasses Online and Mr Lens. I've read generally good reviews about these websites. Based in Malaysia, fyi.
Watch out for the Preloved blog, in the sidebar ;)
Till next time!
P.S. Don't you find it strange that I can go from pissed to happy in a space of 2 minutes? I do. HAHA.