Friday, June 13, 2014

Dreamer's Philosophy : Throwback Blog Posts.

Hey there!

I was going through some old blog posts (suddenly felt like correcting grammar and stuff..) and I came across some which made me think.

Difference between me from two years (and a year ago) and me now:

  • I used to hate makeup. HATE IT. But I've come to appreciate (heck, even embrace) it.
  • I loathed sarcasm (because people usually use it just to offend people) then, before I discovered that sarcasm isn't that bad when you infuse it with good humor. Nothing wrong with being witty, per say.
  • I used to be really crazy and immature, now I'm all serious and quiet (Except with some people :3 #youknowwhoyouare)
  • I used to be more philosophical and optimistic. I guess I still am, but not as much as I used to be.
  • I used to be excited about making new friends. Now it terrifies me to let myself get close to people because I'm afraid of getting hurt/abandoned again.
And there's more I want to comment on, on what I wrote back then. 

Warning: Blog-post-cep-tion alert. Blog post within a blog post.

This one is from Dealing With The Past 101

I was (as you can see) 15 when I wrote that. Ohh, how naive I was. If you asked me now, how I was like when I was 15, I'd say "Incredibly outspoken and overly confident." Just kidding, but seriously. I believed in myself, because people believed in me. But I don't anymore. Not really.

   At 16, I found a different path in life and grew up, maybe even matured in the ways I think and do things. And somehow, distanced myself from some of my friends because of how different life was for us then.
  And now, at 17, I'm just really trying to figure out who I am. I'm remarkably self-assured, but I'm still insecure. So now I'm stuck at crossroads.

It's funny how you think you've got yourself all figured out and you know who you are. Then something happened and changed your perception of yourself, and made you a different person. 

That goes to show that you'll never really ever figure yourself out, so don't try to :)
Just accept yourself for who you (think you) are. 

Short unrelated ramble:
   I worry sometimes, about being too clingy and dependent on people. That's why I push people away, treat them coldly (yeah, a beeaccchhh indeed) and act like I don't care; even when I do. I know what I'm doing, I just can't stop myself from doing it.

   I never reply to messages that just states "Hahahaha" (unending laughter) or "Lol k." I mean seriously, what do you expect me to say? There really isn't a reply for that.

   People tend to question me about why I smile, laugh and look so happy (especially when I have no reason to be, lol..Imagine grinning widely when writing down notes in class). I don't know. Sometimes I feel a genuine wave of unbridled happiness washing over me, and I'm just contented to savor it.


   Friendships are tricky. There's always going to be all the inside drama, jealousy and things happening that you can't control. There's always going to be that one friend who won't let anyone get close to him/her.

   I also mentioned in that post, not to talk bad about your friends. But it's okay to voice out your honest opinion (nicely!) to your friend about what you don't like about them. Sometimes, friends can do or say things that hurt and annoy you. Let them know how you feel, don't hold it inside and secretly despise them for a comment they probably didn't even think twice about before saying. Communication is important in every relationship. If you don't talk things out, it could do more harm than good.

   Also, if you ever feel like giving up on your friend(s) because of how you can't stand him/her/them sometimes, because they hurt you without meaning to, or because you feel like you don't have anything in common anymore...Just remember why you were friends in the first place. And remember all the ways they've shown you they care about you and the reasons why you liked them at the start of your friendship. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if someone decided to stop being your friend, just because they found someone better? 

Just remember, perfect people aren't always perfect.

   I was ranting about people showing off their significant other and people who had an SO just for the sake of having one.

   I figured out the answer is we do it so that we have a chance to find that one special person who doesn't break our heart and leave it in a million pieces.

Just don't forget to appreciate the people you have in your life. Some people have no one :l

I know most people are afraid that their friends will think "Another problem? Again? Why are you so sensitive? Take life as it is lah." But the truth is, real friends will be willing to help you, advise you, guide you through whatever problem you're facing. 

If they don't give a damn about your problems, they probably don't give a damn about you. 

As for me, I'm happy to be someone people can confide, and I'm always ready (for anything) to help people who need advice or companionship.

I think it's a good idea to re-read old thoughts and posts, to see how your thinking has changed and how you've developed as a person :)

And maybe even find out you weren't as clueless as you thought you were.

I've been thinking, is it normal to feel jealous when your friends spend time together without you?
It probably is, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

I'm going to Esther's house to hang out on Saturday.(Ended up doing something different), after eating lunch with her.
Just trying to reconnect because I feel like we've sort of drifted apart since last year because I wasn't around as much and we don't attend the same tuition classes anymore :(

Friendships requires effort. It requires you to spend quality time together.
How are you supposed to feel close to someone when you barely talk or see or text them?
Deep conversations? Confession sessions? Those matter.
Think about it.

Till next time :)


  1. #Becauseitsjustsohardtogetyouonyourphone

    I need to borrow your uniform again.. can u bring it on thurs? Ill wear my school shoes instead this time..

    And purplebanana been asking for ya..

    1. Sorrryyyyyy..I've been busy :l

      Yeah sure, I will! Remind me through sms.. Won't be going online till Friday night, most probably. (O___o)


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