Friday, October 3, 2014

These Are Beautiful Times

(Photo credited to the MAD guy #stalkersial)


(Yeap, that's a quote from Owl City's song)

Nothing lasts forever. 
But I hope I'll never forget the memories.

Hey there!

Reminiscence (a.k.a. Cheesy and sappy stuff): 
(I warned you, A :P You no likes cheese.)

I've been feeling sentimental and sad lately. I'm not entirely sure if it's because of the upcoming exams or due to the fact I've only two months left in school. I look at all the familiar faces around me and feel like crying when I think about leaving school. What is wrong with me? 

People tell me that "Hey, it's okay, you can always meet up and hang out after this school year is over, right?" But it's not the same. I mean, some of the people I'll miss are those who aren't close to me but whose faces I'll miss when they're gone. I am being ridiculous. *facepalm*

Mostly I regret not fully appreciating every day for the past five years. I still remember that first year when I was 13, feeling sad and lonely because I felt stuck in a place I didn't really want to be in, where I felt like I could never belong. But then my schoolmates (Sin Yee, Azlina, Adibah, names of people I can't recall but whose faces are still in my mind) and teachers proved me otherwise.

The next two years, were the insane years. I met Jihah, Yi Wen, Careen, Intan, Ainin, Farra Aida, Shawn, Way Jie and Yee. I spent most of my days, chasing after the guys with broomsticks, getting my shoes stolen, cringing and trying not to laugh when the guys made an innocent poem sound dirty, getting to know my friends more by quizzing each other about our lives, singing in class like a tipsy sailor, play acting at being Rumplestiltskin and making funny voices.

My last two years (Form 4 and 5) have been some of the best years of my life. People like Daiyana, Mee En, Man Shuen, Nabilah, Fadhillah, Fitri, Laily,....(Let's just say all my classmates and a handful of schoolmates) have made a huge impact on my life. I honestly think 5 STM is the best class I've ever been in. After getting past the awkward "getting to know each other" stage, the laughing-till-our-sides-ache (from sharing funny stories and making up hilarious inside jokes) and just from building stronger friendships has changed me. Changed my life.

This year, I met some amazing people like Daniel, Aqil, Shim, Fishcake, Raymond, Khai, Edward, and a lot of my juniors who made life in school more fun and exciting with CF meetings, fun times during recess and stopping at the school gate to chat and joke with them before going home.

Life Lessons And A Confession:

I learned a couple of months ago, to appreciate the beauty in life instead of complaining about what hasn't gone right for me. Everything happens for a reason. Even though some things that happen makes you feel like life isn't worth living and makes you have emotional breakdowns. I believe those things happen to test your faith in God, make you a stronger and better person by teaching you life lessons which changes you forever. 

Recently, I've been thinking about this: If there are people who come into your life for a reason, isn't there also a reason why some people aren't meant to stay in it? I feel like some people, no matter how nice they are, no matter how they impact your life, aren't meant to stay forever. They just don't fit into your life even though you desperately want them to.

So if you're one of the people I've been pushing away, I'm sorry. But my heart tells me, there isn't a place in my life for you at the moment. Or maybe I'm just using this as an excuse to keep you away. But the end result is the same. I'm tired of the heartache of feeling like I don't belong in your lives. I care a lot about you guys but I need my distance, I need time alone to figure everything out.
To quote the legendary words.." It's not you. It's me." 

Please don't judge me or hate me for feeling this way. If you want complete honesty, I feel like I've lost my sense of direction and I'm in a place where you can't reach me anymore. I think you're great, amazing people but I'm not so sure if I belong in your lives at all. I'm not making a difference when I'm around, so what's the point of staying? It doesn't change things and I hate feeling so useless and insignificant. The question is, why stay when I'm not wanted or needed? The answer is simple: Don't. Maybe I'll come back again someday.

Life As I Know It
For starters, I'm starting to wonder if the outfit in this post is suitable for graduation (Not very formal?). I'm thinking about wearing this purple dress instead.
(The monopod looks hilariously weird)
It's really comfy, like pajamas.
I'm worried it'll look like pajamas. 
Ahh, indecisiveness. 

My cat, Grumpy is adorable. 
And definitely cuter than the guy (brother dearest) holding him. HAHA. 

I bought a Union Jack sling bag a couple of days ago :)
*Rainbow drools*
My mum says I have way too many bags, but hey, I've a purpose for every single one of them.
(This bag's purpose is to make me look sassy. LOL just kidding)

Graduation rehearsal was held yesterday. My table is made up of 10 people, and since we're seating according to our namelist, I've ended up sitting with most of my gang :D (A, MS, Dapple, Sin Yee) *Pumps fist in air* I've been elected as the leader of the table -__- It's my job to lead everyone to the stage. I'm really excited and apprehensive about Graduation Day. 

Aqil asked for a hug to win a bet with Edward. He gave me a couple of side hugs to show Edward who was looking down at us from the highest floor. Someone  said "Eh, hug properly lah." So we did a normal hug when Edward finally came downstairs. Everyone went "Woaahhh."Aqil was like "See, I dare to hug her!" and they had a funny manly discussion about hugging. *Scratches head in confusion* I had no idea what they were talking about. Puah said "Eh, what? Wait, I didn't see. Can you hug again?" HAHA.

The little 15-year-old guy with the big bag said to Aqil, "Hey, she's older than you leh. You're form 4 and she's form 5." (Ouch, so hurtful..I feel like a cougar now. Rawr XD) Dapple and the others asked him if he's jealous (Thanks guys) for pointing it out. Come on, what's wrong with hugging friends even if they're younger and of the opposite gender when you have no hidden intentions? -_-  

It was sort of a huggable day. I hugged Yi Wen and Dapple felt left out, so we did a group hug. (A, wish you were there, but you no likes the physical contact much though..erm right?) The guys hugged each other a lot as usual and complained about the other guy's sweatiness. 

Aqil and Sam Shim accompanied me for a while before I went home. 
Aqil decided to be a stalker/paparazzi and took photos of me before I noticed they were standing there (O___-) 
He took about 45 photos! CRAZY MAD FELLA.

 1. I didn't realize I have highlights.
2. I feel like smacking myself for being so blur and not realizing they were there.

1. I'm always reading. Especially when I'm waiting to go home and bored out of my skull.
2. Schoolmates like to tell me I have Barbie-doll hair. Err...thanks?


I always meet people I know when I wait here for my dad to fetch me home..Just that I don't always meet a guy hopping around and taking photos of me (o_o) Thanks for buying me an ice cream though :D 

We saw a fat, dark grey cat and Sam commented, "Do you realize we're all cat lovers here?" And that was so true. Dapple and A dislike/are afraid of cats. (Whyyyyy...) Watched Aqil petting and feeding it before I went home. It was so cute and fluffy *_*

I am going to miss this school so damn much. And all the people I know in it. 


Anyways, till next time! :)

10 comments:

  1. This post is beautiful... the beginning kinda made me tear up.
    I can totally relate to you! Although I'm not graduating yet... I'm moving countries at the end of this year. I'm moving to Malaysia, is that where you're from too??;)
    There's so much things to leave behind...I guess at the end of the day, it's only the memories that we get to keep. Btw, I love your hair! <3
    June
    The Journeys' of my beating heart

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww thank you so much! :D
      Oh yikes, that's even more harder to deal with :O I wish you all the best! Yeah, I'm a Malaysian XD
      That's true, but it's pretty difficult to get over not seeing people I see almost every day as often :l I'm glad for the memories though.
      Thanks for the compliment :)

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  2. I think I get what you mean in the first part of your post. I've felt that way a couple of times, but I've never had to think about it that much because the max I've stayed in any one school is three years, and I've had four different schools. So the change part doesn't affect me in the sad leaving friends sort of way, but in the happy new school new friends sort of way xD idk if that made sense.
    Anyway- your new hairstyle looks nice. Your hair doesn't look as thick as they did when you braided them- but they still look super nice- especially the highlights (:

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ohh :O Wow, that's a lot of moving around (.__.) I don't think I can ever get used to it. But yeah, meeting new friends is awesome! :D (Just that I'm not very socially adept) It totally makes sense to me XD

      Aww thank you :) I like it even though I'm awfully tempted to snip it off sometimes, hahaha.

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  3. The stalker guy is awesome and he looks nice :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, the stalker guy is pretty awesome :P Looks nice, eh? *rolls around laughing*

      Delete
    2. I wish that there is a LIKE button :3
      #notthatchessyasithinktho

      Graduation countdown 5 days more.. excited !

      Delete
  4. LIKE LIKE IT XD #youwantsmorecheese?

    So excites *__* Must take photos hehe

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Use my words and quotes Maine~~
      Im aure its going to make her roll her eyes xD

      Delete
    2. "The stalker guy is awesome and he looks nice" said the stalker himself XD (that one?)

      Delete

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